Saturday, October 10, 2015

Six Reasons to Stay for All Four Quarters at the Pitt Game

You just sung along to "Sweet Caroline." Pitt's losing, or maybe even winning... but everyone is getting up to leave. Gotta get a good spot on the shuttles, go home, take a nap and get ready to go out later. You've H'd-2-P all you possibly can, right? But wait!  Here are six reasons you should sit back down and enjoy the rest of the game... 

1. It's safer to blackout in a public setting.

Make it the Rooneys' problem. (Why should your roommate have to deal with your drunk, dead-weight ass?)

2. Roc gets surly drunk and rocs out with his coc out.

Roc. Hard.

3. Pat Narduzzi is winning in the fourth.

No Graham, no Chryst and no fourth quarter melt downs. Stay for the fourth, as the Panthers are seemingly able to hold a lead though the final quarter. And really, what more can you ask for?

4. Panthers "Dealer of the Game" starts passing out free weed. 

I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch, Alice Kramden. 

5. Chancellor Gallagher's new tradition: the post-game Alma Mater sing-along / watermelon smash.

Over fate and foe victorious! 

6. If there's something better than Tyler Boyd at your apartment, you're a fucking liar.

Bout dat! 

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Monday, August 24, 2015

Six Tips to Help Freshmen Adjust to College Life at Pitt (#Pitt2019 Edition)

Welcome Freshman! And congratulations... you’re about to begin your “adult” life where your biggest hurdle will be ungluing yourself from Snapchat for more than 35 seconds to challenge yourself to develop an attention span of a full minute. Wait, did your phone just ding? Ahhh, who gives a fuck, you’ve probably already stopped reading by now. But just in case you’re in the 1% category of incoming freshman who can actually read a full paragraph, pat yourself on the back… as you're about to experience some very important years in Pitt's history… In order to best make 'em count, we offer these six tips to help you adjust to life at Pitt: